The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

phoar.

Air Supply, Man..~I'm all outta love~

An odd day. The lightest day of the year, it seems. We all sat in Kasco today having a 'staffroom chat' and then they mention her . Put her and the Vow Of Singlehood together, the latter seems shaky. I thought well, "we hate each other, so OK." I have no idea why, but I seemingly disagreed with myself when I said that.

And then we all bowled this afternoon. 4 days straight, man! and my score has now improved to well over 100 :D :D But the day was made by this odd feeling I hadn't had in what, nearly 3 years- that 'ooomp' feling in the chesty area (near the left boob). Damn it all...damn the VoS , it was her , unveiled and looking rather tight. She even spoke to me!

Had to fight every single urge to 'teach' her to bowl-even though I practically trained everyone else :*P I have no idea why this is happenning, damn these hormones! Kill Shyness, we declared on that rooftop in Paris. Birth Greatness, we said in Berlin's tunnels. Maybe in STPRI's offices I should say "Heal Lonely Hearts?" or "Fuck This, I'm Human."

Oh and we have a new 10 pound helicopter spin ball :D :D it's great bub...!!!!

till next time, you love -lacking lads and lasses.

Loss, Laziness and Love

First of all, I must declare my love for chicken pau.

I have lost the tasbih Dad gave me :( I warned him I'd lose it, and now I did. I'm just not good enough to hold on to things like that, nor can I appreciate wood. I'm sorry, I can't look for it anyways.

it feels great not going to work (and being allowed to) - must try this more often. Got work to do and exams to run next week, but hey,I pray the interview comes closer and closer...

and if anyone has seen the tasbih (probably around Gadong-ish) message me please!

Go For it

This is it, 22 days and counting before I have to accept (or not) the permanent job offer. My mind is in a billion places at once now; this is the critical junction of my life. I am sick of my father whining about being passed over, he never worked for a corporation or a sports team, I guess.

What is in the future? Will I be able to continue in my field? Wil I be sucked into endless teaching and the life of a nomad? I cannot wait, we retire absurdly early here and others are advancing in their careers.

Good Lord, you seem to have ignored my calls. I suppose I , like my father am to be cursed with mediocrity. I might as well have died in Paris.

Empty, just empty

Due to several blunders on my part and others, now even the PGCE is in danger of not happenning-and with it the idea of any employment. I hope to fix this on Monday, but I am wondering how my life fell apart in five months. From beaming graduate to stuck-in the mud fool. I feel so empty, so homeless, so hopeless. Am I as smart as I think? Am I as able to deal with this?

I am so alone, so lost ,so empty. I don't understand how or why this has happenned. I feel sorryt for everyone who has believed in me, trusted me. I have gone and proven them all. I'm just a loser.

Conscripted!

Here I am, sitting at my table wondering what could happen tommorow. It's the first day of teaching, and her we have a completely unwilling grad, pressed into the service and wanting to leave ASAP.

I'm not holding on to any blame put forward to me- the ones who sent me here are to blame for all calamities ensuing. If they wanted a teacher so bad, they should have extended my scholarship to PGCE level, Idiots. Fools. Only God can have mercy on their souls, and I hope He doesn't.

Forgive me ,children. You prayed for an angel, God sent you a living devil.

Bad luck, or bad times?

I've had it up to my fucking eyeballs with unfortunate events. Laurel needs paint job, vain mother sends it despite having scratches the size of my belly button. Recover car, discover engine is fucked. Vain parents off to vain England. My fucking plan is fucking ruined.

All this, and I don't get to fuck anyone.

Reflections

What do I do now?

I'm getting more and more attached to the people at school. Yet I know that in the future teaching will make me unhappy. The interview results will come soon, and I haven't even told the DP. I'm almost wishing they'd reject me now.... I still have to give a 14 day notice, too. Life is cruel at times. Life in an office, 7 to 4 (9 to 5?) ? I can't imagine moving again, even though I planned this. A career start at 22? not bad. A lot of new friends my age or even sights? not likely. Many ppl at Workplace NUmber 2 seem to be Michelin men and women.

There's even a sight or two here. Damn, how do I get into these things?! My roots are so dry it feels like I will be a nomad for a very long long time . How am I gonna grow old with anyone thins way? Maybe th 2 x 5 need to change...

sights- The One With The Blue Car (Generous?)
- She Who Smiles Not but is Damn Pretty ( KC ?)

Have challenged the Nas to find a job with his teaching degree. Good luck, buddy. Good luck.

Ah , the first word is the hardest.... HANTAP ok now it's easy.

I guess I'm typing out of blog-dom. Lots to think, very little to say.

I wonder why.... - I keep looking at those friendster lists of beautiful women :P

- Arsenal can't win these days

- AKu ani inda laku

- aliens never land in my backyard, they always kidnap some white kid in roswell....